To be honest – I’m not even sure where I plan to go with this post. I just knew I had to sit down and write it.
I like to think B&B is a space to escape. This isn’t a news site or political site. I intend to keep it that way.
But like – B&B is supposed to house “real” topics. “Real” can absolutely mean skin concerns, health, wellness, beauty, EVERYTHING. But “real”, to me, also has to mean thought provoking conversations about tough topics. Uncomfortable shit.
Loss, grief, time, life.
The reality I’ve personally been hit with lately is that life is really fucking short. Time isn’t guaranteed.
I’m not trying to get preachy, sappy, or cliché. I know “YOLO” became an over hyped phrase years back. But did any of us stop to think about how true that is?
You only live once.
To be honest with you guys, I’ve had a really weird past few months. I honestly had a really weird 2019. I’m not going to dive into all that – a lot of it isn’t really my story to tell. But what I can say is that life lately has been really unpredictable, sometimes turbulent, and filled with change – none of which I’ve felt I’ve had any control over.
I’ve sort of had to realize lately how little control we really all have. Basically none. And it scares the shit out of me.
You know what really scares me is actually loss. Loss of people. Loss of time. Loss of potential. I think what’s so painful is sometimes being left to wonder “what could have been.”
I’m afraid to lose people because – I’m blessed – I have yet to lose anyone. I’m afraid of time myself because I’m afraid to lose it before I’ve done whatever it is I want – basically losing time before “really living” (whatever that actually looks like).
But like – we have no control. I have no control. Time isn’t promised. Time isn’t guaranteed. So WTF can anyone do to grapple with that knowledge and actually “live life to the fullest” in the meantime?
I basically have no actual answers. But I think I needed to sit down and write this as a bit of a reminder to myself of what it is I need to do – and stop doing.
The future isn’t guaranteed, but the past already happened. I want to be really thankful for it. I want to be really grateful for any time I’m given – both for myself to accomplish things and also time I have with people.
On that same note – I really want to stop wasting time on petty shit. If everything could end in a moment, why the fuck would I spend any more of my precious time worrying about things that are petty. Things that in the grand scheme of life don’t matter. I want to stop getting riled up about silly texts or conversations. I want to stop letting ups and downs at work influence my mood.
Because in the end – those petty things won’t matter. Family. Friends. Creating good energy in the world. Those things matter.
Tell people you love them. End every conversation with it.
Most of all – I’d like to really stop waiting to live. I’d like to stop waiting to do things I want to do. I’d like to stop putting limits on myself – and I want others to stop doing the same.
So many of us say “oh I can’t do that” or “wow I’d love to do that” – but we don’t. Either for fear of responsibilities, ridicule, change, etc.
I think we all need to stop waiting to live. Because time isn’t guaranteed.
That’s it. That’s all I have to say. Wishing all of you guys lots and lots of love, and just wanted to share with you reminders I’m currently telling myself.
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