While I sometimes will lace my personal life into my blog posts, today I’m going whole hog on something that has been on my mind for the last couple of weeks: sometimes it’s just not about you.
When I was growing up and would come home from a rough day at school, my mom would always hit me with the same phrase: “Kelsey, it’s not about you.” But Maaaa my teacher snapped at me today. But Maaaa this one girl spread a rumor about me. Every single time my mom would look at me and give a sympathetic sigh, “Kelsey, trust me, it’s not about you.” I don’t think I really understood what my mom meant at the time, but as a twenty-something trying her hand at adulting I think I’ve finally got it.
When people aren’t kind to you, it’s often not about you – there’s usually something else going on in their life that is causing them to lash out.
Thinking back now, I can see how my teacher being especially tough on our class in school one day could’ve been because of exterior pressures at work or with their family. I can now understand that the girl who spread rumors in high school spread them not because of something I did, but because she was insecure or someone had said something about her and she was hurt. This philosophy has started to make even more sense as I’ve gotten older and built both personal and professional relationships. Being the sensitive over thinker that I am, I’m constantly reading into the things people say at work. If someone is short and curt in a meeting at the office, I’ll immediately think it’s because of something I did or how I performed – when maybe they’ve just had a bad morning. If KB is quiet or distant, I go into worst-case-scenario mode trying to understand what I’ve done wrong – when maybe he got bad news at work. In each situation I’ve had to start taking a step back to ask myself the question – is this really even about me?
Now if you know me (and gosh after 6+ months of hanging out on my blog with me I think you do!) you know I like to keep it real. Sometimes it is about you. You and I, we’re going to be wrong sometimes. We are going to make mistakes and say things we wish we could take back. But more often than not, when people lash out and you find yourself hurt, it actually isn’t about you.
Thanks for letting me get personal today. Have you ever experienced a time where you initially felt at fault, but later came to realize it wasn’t even about you?